Week 1 - Of Scales and Snot

Week Beginning: Monday, April 18Starting Weight: No ideaWeekly High Point: Surviving and sleeping through the night.Weekly Low Point: Feeling like a horse loaded in the gate at the Derby who can't run...Weekly Milestones: I weighed myself for the first time in years. I had sex. Then I coughed my brains out. Good times, y'all, good times.Well, it's official. This is my first blog post, my first week kicking off Greater At 40. Talk about weird...You make this big decision to share your inner most vulnerable stuff with the Universe and have all these plans about how things should go and then you fall and stumble out of the gate. I'm not entirely sure how these weekly recaps will turn out in the long run so, I'll start them off this way and see how it goes.The LowdownI kicked off Greater At 40 and shared my journey with the world on Wednesday. I wasn't sure what I was expecting but, it felt good to get it off my shoulders. I had huge expectations for what I would do this week. For example, my Health Jedi (aka Blake Elarbee if you missed it here) had asked me to eat as I regularly would, track it and weigh myself every morning. I also wanted to Snapchat every day and share with you all these "firsts" for me. Well, I kinda flunked at doing that this week. Not because I didn't WANT to but because life sort of got in the way.So let's start at the beginning. This past weekend my friend, Mr. X (who has made brief appearances on SarahPlusLife blog in the passed, including this post which you should totally read if you haven't already) came into town to hang out. We spent hours catching up, chilling and sitting around talking.It was awesome and much needed. Mr. X also chain smokes like a chimney. I don't smoke and live a pretty smoke-free life so, a few days into his visit and my throat was starting to feel it. Cut to Tuesday morning, his flight leaves at noon and, I drop him off at the airport and head straight to a Doc in the Box to confirm my suspicions that yes, I am at the top of a deep, dark Post Nasal Drip-hole about to dive headfirst down into the sea of snot. Sexy. Super glad that he left just in time because, by Tuesday night I was a hot mess. While he was here, I still managed to keep track of all my food. Big shout out to My Fitness Pal who had the nutritional information for tequila AND Jim Beam Red Stag Black Cherry Whiskey! *woot woot*This week I was supposed to have tracked my food and weighed myself every morning. Kinda crazy? Yes. But the purpose of this is/was to see how my body would react to different types of food so that my Health Jedi could determine a good, realistic and attainable eating plan for me to follow. I also wanted to share my experience weighing myself with you for the first time. Because, come on, that sh*t is scary!So now Wednesday rolls around. Mr. X is gone and I've been tracking food. That's when things got bad. And ugly. And snotty. *cue Jaws theme* From Wednesday until, basically, today (Sunday) I have been a semi-functioning mess of bronchial, nasal drip mess. Life got put on pause. All the things I wanted to do? Went down the toilet. My first workout with The Jedi was set for Thursday afternoon? Cancelled. Snapping every day? I made the executive decision NOT to show you what my life was like during this and, trust me, you can thank me now.Wednesday morning rolls around and I peel myself from bed. I take out the Snapchat. I take my scale, still in the box from Amazon Prime delivery and I mentally steel myself for what's about to happen.Now, you might be wondering, if my journey is not about chasing numbers on a scale, why weigh myself? Well... First off, because it's MY body and it's MY journey and I do believe it is important for me to know the state my body is in right now. Numbers and all. Second off, being aware isn't the same as obsessing. I'm not chasing weight loss. I'm working towards a stronger, greater version of me that is more capable of things. And for me, I chose to have this include weighing less than I do right now. I'm searching for a feeling that includes strength and freedom in its state of being.About the scale... First and foremost, let's get real; I had to buy a scale with a higher weight limit. I wasn't sure what the number was going to be but I was betting it would be in the mid 300's which Ye Garden Variety Bathroom Scale just won't cut. So I found one on Amazon that had decent ratings, wasn't too expensive and would accommodate 550lbs.I take the scale out of the box. "Hello Friend," I think to myself. "I hate you but I do not fear you. You are just numbers. You are not my Soul. You are not my worth as a human... And now I will step on you and make you my bitch."

I take the scale out of the box. "Hello Friend," I think to myself. "I hate you but I do not fear you. You are just numbers. You are not my Soul. You are not my worth as a human... And now I will step on you and make you my bitch."

And then I stepped on it. Breathe in. Breathe out. I looked down and saw... FFFF.Wtf? Wtf does FFFF mean? I frantically search the manual and it says that FFFF is the error message for Scale Overload. "F*ck you, scale." I think to myself. Then I try it again. FFFFFFFFFFFF mother f*cker!! My rational brain knows this is not humanly possible. My Mucinex / Bendryl brain, on the other hand, wants to cry. So I call my neighbor over who is a very fit and slender woman. She steps on the scale and... FFFF FOR HER TOO!!! Then I ask one more person to try it later in the day. FFFFFFFFFFFF FOR EVERYONE! Ok, well, at least I know my scale is broken.Now yet another part of my big plan has been thwarted. I can't weigh myself every day (sorry, Jedi!) or share my scale experience with you. Kiss those goodby.In the back of my mind all I could feel was disappointment. I wanted to have a great first week. I wanted to be real and share. I wanted to give you guys good content. I wanted to be successful! Instead, I had to focus on self-care and take a step back. At the same time I kept reminding myself one thing, again and again: life doesn't wait for the perfect set of circumstances. Life just lives. So I did the only things I could do this week. I drank water and I kept a food diary.

At the same time I kept reminding myself one thing, again and again: life doesn't wait for the perfect set of circumstances. Life just lives.

By Friday night my replacement scale had come from Amazon Prime. Saturday I whipped that bad boy out of the box, popped in the batteries and jumped on. It worked.Ok. Here it is...THE BIG MOMENT IN WHICH I REVEAL MY CURRENT WEIGHT TO THE WORLD.*deep breath*348 y'all.I am not panicked. I am not mad. I see this number as a number. That is all. It is not who I am. It is not a summary of what I bring to the table. It is not the embodiment of every hope and dream I have. It is just... a number. A number that can change and fluctuate at any given time.I remind myself I'm a good friend. I remind myself I have a musical soul. I remind myself that I have beautiful, amazing parents. I remind myself that there are (probably) a million women out there in the planet who are scared to get on a scale REGARDLESS of how big they are because they don't want to see the number. I remind myself that, if I show the universe that I can get on this scale and share my weight publicly that I can also show the universe that I am the exact same person after I have revealed this number that I was before.

You may be bigger than me. You may be smaller than me. Neither of those matters. What matters is that you know that you are not a number.

You may be bigger than me. You may be smaller than me. Neither of those matters. What matters is that you know that you are not a number.So. 348.8 is where I live today. Who knows where I will be in a month. Or in a year. I don't know; I can't and won't predict or set numerical goals. What I will do is share THIS with you.... A visual breakdown of what also weighs 348 lbs!!There you have it, folks! A visual breakdown of what also weighs 348 lbs!!Ok, ok, look. I can't take myself so seriously. Yes, my health is serious and I do take my journey to be more healthy seriously but I'm someone that fully believes in being able to laugh at herself at any given time. Disclaimer on that one if you're stuffy and can't take a joke...*record scratch noise*It is now Sunday. I have made it through (most) of the day without hacking up a lung... Progress! I have weighed myself the last two mornings and kept track of my food (which, admittedly has been comprised of mostly toast and chicken matzo ball soup but, whatever) and I have neared the end of my first blog post.If you've gotten this far... awesome! Thank you for hanging in. In the week coming up I'll have my first workout which should be really great. (Rolling eyes.) No, really. I'm actually excited to work out but I know I'm going to suck big time. My Jedi has us meeting in a park for our first few workouts. He says just moving my body weight will be enough workout for me for a while---- which both horrifies and delights me at the same time.If you feel inclined, please say "hi" in the comments below. I'd love to hear from you!Sarah

Week 1 - Of Scales and Snot

Brands Giving Back - Lane Bryant

Meet Blake Elarbee - My Health and Fitness Jedi.

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