Ep 3: My Plus Size Midlife Roadtrip: Driftwood Beach on Jekyll Island at Sunrise

The art of wanting to do something and actually doing it during my plus size, midlife roadtrip.

One of the things that's always been super attractive to me is when a man says he’s going to do something and he actually does it. That this quality of follow-though should be attractive to a woman is no shock. We all know this, right? A masculine partner being stable and reliable gives a feminine partner room to exhale and breathe and flow. A woman who can rely on her masculine partner feels a sense of safety, etc. You’ve heard this all before.

When I run retreats, I often ask the group of women assembled if they trust themselves. They always nod and say that, yes, they do. But then I ask them, “Can you really tell me that you have your own back? That you can count on yourself to make the choices that serve your Ultimate You, even if they are hard?” And that is when the room goes quiet. It is one thing to easily recognize how important stability and reliability is in a partner, and another thing to realize how deeply we need this relationship to ourselves.

As women, our social equity oftentime comes with adapting for the sake of others. Much of the time, this is at our own expense. Sometimes we do this consciously - we know when we’re adapting at our expense - and sometimes we don’t. I would bet that the majority of folks reading this have spent so many years subconsciously changing ourselves for the sake of others that, at this point in the game, we don’t even realize to the extent with which we do it.

There are many reasons we self-abandon. (Self-abandoning is a real thing - it’s something I talk a LOT about. I even devoted a whole chapter of my book to the topic! Self-abandoning is that thing we do that we don’t know that we do that keeps us from living a self-loving life. Shit is real.) What matters for the sake of this blog, is that we go through times when we’re really aligned and showing up for ourselves, and then there are times where things can feel really hard and it is all the more likely we slip into self-abandoning patterns. I’ve been going through a period like the latter. And, while I’ve never been more self-aware and in-tune with my personal value system, I’ve been wading through some sticky crap that’s made it feel really hard to, frankly, be good to myself.

I have many patterns of self-abandonment. Not honoring things I want, for example. But also, there are many times I struggle to follow-through with things. Big things, small things, whatever things.

I only had a few real goals for this road trip. The biggest was to do what it was I WANTED to do. Sounds easy, yes? Not really. At least not for a recovering self-abandoning people pleaser.

To do what you want to do, you first have to be able to listen to yourself enough to identify something you want.
You have to be brave enough to name it and express it out loud.
Figure out all the logistics and steps that are involved, or at least the stuff at the start so you can put your plan into action.
Then, you have to do the really hard part - care about this one thing you want more than your comfort and what’s easy. You have to do what you said you would do. Commit the energy. The time. The resources. While this happens, weird feelings may come up. Resistance from yourself. Resistance from others. But you do it anyway.

When you do this - when you go through each of these steps - you are showing yourself that you matter. You are building trust in yourself. You are proving to YOU that you are reliable. That you have your own back.

This process doesn’t require big action - we can experience this cycle of “want + action + follow-through” on small things like changing the toilet paper, or large things like leaving an unhealthy relationship. It sometimes takes a lot of time and practice to get good at this cycle and, while it may be easy for some, for others it may be a lifetime commitment of intentional practice.

I knew on this trip, I wanted to watch the sunrise from the beach. So to do this, I went through the following process. The cycle involved the following…
Picking out a beach.
Booking a hotel.
Going to sleep at a reasonable time the night before.
Waking up early.
Getting dressed and driving to the location.

Now, again, this may feel “Duh” obvious to you. But if you have been going through a rough spot you know that all of this is / was not easy.

The joy I felt walking onto Driftwood Beach at sunrise was palpable. The sounds. The sights. The smell. All of it. It was perfect.

For those few moments I was a woman who showed up for herself. Flaws and all. I was present in the moment. I wasn’t distracted by the extra weight I carry that I’m trying so hard to shed. I didn’t think about my stragly hair or tired-looking skin or jiggly arms or cellulite. I wasn’t anxious about having been out of work for so long. I wasnt preoccupied by any single thing that can fill my mind at any given time that is something I am both self-accountable and self-compassionate about. I just was. And it was perfect.

This was a beautiful practice of the magical art of wanting to do something and actually doing it. In time, this will get easier for me. For now, this was a great step.

Links / resources about my Jekyll Island stop:

Official Website of Jekyll Island

Where I stayed: Holiday Inn Jekyll Island
When facing the water, I suggest rooms all the way on the right side of the property. If you can get one of the two far-right rooms, even on the ground level you will have a view of the water.

Good cheap eats at Larry’s Giant Subs and Sunrise Grill for breakfast and perfect pancakes.
While traveling, I do my best to eat out as little as possible. Because of this, I won’t refer to lots of restaurants as I often make a choice to spend my budget on location vs food.