The Gift of Living Your Way.
the gift of living your way.
The other day I was having a (somewhat) intense conversation with boyfriend, Man Candy, about self-improvement.
In specific, we were talking about doing really hard shi*t, I was expressing how it’s more beneficial in life to do things for the sake of the PROCESS OF DOING than it is to do them with a specific end result in mind.
“Wait,” he said, perplexed. “What’s the point of even doing anything, then? If you aren’t going for a specific result, why even bother to try and be a better person?”
I thought for a few minutes. And then I said, slowly and clearly.
“Because the doing brings you closer to yourself. And the closer you are to who you really are, the more you get to live life on your own terms.”
Living life on your own terms.
I truthfully had NO idea what this meant till I turned 40. It was only till I started to see how much other people, and the pursuit of other people, controlled my own life, that I was able to see how little autonomy I actually had for myself.
I never would have guessed this. I always thought I was an independent chick. But the reality was, almost everything I did in the first 40 years of my life, was about someone else in SOME way shape or for.
Listening to what my parents said. Trying to make decisions that pleased then and got their approval, for example.
Doing things to please a romantic partner, or a potential one.
Working to make sure my boss saw me as valuable.
Posting the “right stuff” on social media so my reach would grow…
In fact, in my whole life, I don’t really know what I’ve ever done that was 100% for me and nobody else.
In doing that, I lived my life for other people.
For the last few years, I’ve been a total geek learning more about MYSELF. I’ve been working on separating Sarah from the (well-intentioned) tentacles of everyone else’s choices and decisions so that I can make choices and decisions based on what I want and nobody else.
This has been the most satisfying process ever.
In doing this, am I guaranteeing that my life is always happy?
Am I avoiding all shit and flying high in the friendly skies without adversity of any kind?
Hell no.
But the shit that I experience, and the joy that I feel, is MINE.
What are some of the benefits you experience when you start living life on your own terms?
- You stop caring about what other people think.
- You feel more free.
- Less weighed down.
- Your relationships actually make you feel GOOD – they don’t leave you questioning yourself or the value you bring.
- Your heart expands in its capacity for love.
- You may feel less anxiety.
- You’ll waste less time and less energy trying to be things.
In short, you’ll be more YOU.
The purpose of my (Self) Love Note this week is to remind you that self-love is knowing YOU. It is learning all the things about you, seeing them with open eyes, and observing yourself with grace and compassion. Self-love is the ability to LISTEN to yourself and then ACT take action when you hear.
Self-love is the service of you for YOU. It is not the service of OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you even know what your own terms are?
It’s OK if you don’t.
Because every day you are alive is a chance for you to start discovering yourself. This is not about a dress size. Or an age. All this requires is a willingness to be brave and get uncomfortable.
Reminder. You are miraculous. You are far more powerful than you can even imagine. And every day is an opportunity waiting to unfold.
I promise you are.
XX
Sarah
PS - Just a reminder that I'm hosting a TOTALLY FREE (Self) Love Evening Windown ritual this Thursday in my private Facebook Group! (That means it's a totally safe space for us to show up without any internet creepers.) The only place to get the link is inside the Facebook Group. You can join it here!